Dear G… was my birthday

Darling *G

Thanks for taking me out to dinner for my 50th birthday.

(Ha ha how funny was that? I mean you were embarrassed to be seen with me in public all throughout ‘the friendship’ so why would you have done that now?)

It was g8 to catch up, listen to you

(Of course I am going to listen to you because you- did not like me talking even about trivial things like “how hot has it been?”)

And enjoy – the food and wine.

(Of course you would have drunk at least 3-4 beers when you got home from work before you came out, and then had the obligatory beer for entrée and at least 2 glasses of wine with your dinner because that is how much you had every other time.)

I was so glad you liked my sexy ‘smoking hot’ new dress because I had bought it for the occasion, way back in October.  Pity! You did not want to get me, out of it. (This time)

You had no problem getting me naked all those other times.

You always did have discerning taste – in women; as long as they were not me.   But then There is a ‘NEW’ woman in your life, so one would guess that she would not like you to be seeing any other woman friend, ex or not.

 [This new one or rather ‘old one’ ……“I have known her from most of my life”…. Obviously does not look anything like me because if, she is like most other women, from that older age group – she will have a backside that matches your gut and wears those dreadful white 3/4 type pants; that she ‘thinks’ makes her look great.  I bet she is allowed to talk  – loudly, raucously, have an opinion etc. when you go out, in public and you will do that, a lot, because she is part of your type of people and inner circle.]

Lucky!!!! I had no expectations of a g8 birthday because you forgot it, like others did including my family or as I do like to think (yes- something else you seemed frightened of, in me, the ability to think) you just chose to ignore the fact.


So Darling G   oops!!! I forgot -you did tell me not to call you darling, or any other term of endearment; it might have implied some sort of a ‘relationship’.  Would not want that now?

Your loss……..I did trust you. I did find your work interesting and your past exploits funny and intriguing. I even liked the few odd times I met your Adult Children and grandchild.

I loved cooking meals at your house with you, I liked the way you massaged my body when it ached, the way we slept together and the sex – well it was terrific.

I am not sorry you felt intimidated by my need to read (but hey you did read the newspaper each morning.  the difference is???? and write or that I took technology on headfirst and learnt things. I am not sorry I used big words but you are a successful business man I though you may have used some of them yourself; over time. But the way you treated   me at the end it hurt. 

Remember :you really should not judge a book by its cover.

And you did that to me. Bet you do not do that to her.


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Its over… for now Another birthday

So that is it dear readers my BIG Birthday over and done with. Now out with the rubbish waiting to be collected kerbside.

How was the day???? Usual.   I am so glad I have no expectations of any of my birthdays being remotely exciting, or surprising.. It started with the previous blog and now.. Well day 1 of the next 365 to the next birthday.

I got ……(drum roll please)….A fridge.   Yes my siblings bought me a fridge.

Apparently they reckon the one I had was not cold enough.   Mind you last week they were here for 3 days in 100+ f heat, the door was more open than shut and so full ; i reckon even it thought its christmases had all come at once.

And today – my nieces and nephews had some gorgeous flowers delivered by interflora.  The surprise went out of that because the florist did not have my correct address; so they rang me not the sender.

I eagerly waited for the postie but then had to dismally watch him ride straight past my mail box.  Damnation!! not even a bill to get on this auspicious day.

Of course my mother forgot; she is excused because she has dementia.

So The day was hot  – 37C ( apx 98f), kinda humid and even Molly the dog was not excited.  Yep birthdays suck….

So here is: A very Big Happy Birthday to Austin , Bangor Maine, USA or known as Return of the Modern Philosopher who’s birthday it is today.

( tuesday 6th january 2015)

Cake and Confetti

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So here it is THE BIG BIRTHDAY

Happy 50th Birthday

Happy birthday to me , Happy Birthday to me, Happy happy biiirrrtthhhdaayyyy 2 meeee!!!!  (sang in the same falsetto as a yowling cat )  Happy Birthday to me.

Happy Birthday Greeting with Cake and Gifts Yes it is about to be midnight on the beginning of January 5 2015.  I am 50 today. Honestly I really thought It would feel different, maybe it will in 24 hours, but then again It feels like JUST ANOTHER DAY.  SHeeesh!!! or Ughhh as Austin would write about mondays.

A quick recap of past Birthdays:

  •  10th birthday . It was the year my grandfather passed away from leukemia. I was in grade 6 and had a disgusting ‘pudding bowl’ style haircut. I had also really discovered the library at school.
  • 20th birthday. I was in my 3rd year of a cooking apprenticeship   Perfecto and had taken a transfer to Sydney from Melbourne  – just because. And like any one in the year of 1985 I thought it would be cool and exciting.  I had a very short No2 barber style haircut because of work demands. My wages were an exciting $450 per week but my lifestyle was costing me twice that. Hell it was the 80’s     So i did lots of overtime.custom smiley   of course there was overtime, i was a chef,  hells bells  my shifts lasted 16 hrs a day, 7 days a week.
  • Caffeine was drug of choice back then.   And Chocolates
  • 21st birthday.  The biggest clue to show what my birthdays would be like in years to come.  My family totally forgot it was my 21st.  I was ‘couple less’    Ok no guy was interested!!    My sister was at university doing here Arts degree, Older bro’ was getting married and younger bro’ was doing an apprenticeship in mechanics.
  • 30th birthday.  Well  lots had happened in the intervening ten years.  I came back home , briefly after the excitement of Sydney.  I had a minor breakdown ( although at the time did not recognise it as that) I wandered around back and forth btw jobs and locations. Met Andrew; we set up house together, he got transferred and by this time really thought we could make ago of it and have a family.   Alas none of that happened . Not without trying. I had my first 2 melanomas removed.

40th birthday.  Well let us  just say this day

really truly sucked.

By now Andrew and I had split, Had a couple of affairs, one night  “what was I thinking?’ Thinking and custom smileyhook ups and essentially i wandered off – again looking for “MR RIGHT, excitement and fulfillment.

  •  Found Rob and this birthday which was to be special ended up being a farce.
  • No not John Cleese and silly walk Farce but in a way it was.Dancing Egyptian
  •  Breakfast in Bed was totally forgotten – he went for a run and by the time he got back I had left for the Swim titles in Melbourne.  I ended up buying myself a chocolate croissant and 6 lemon Krispy Kreme donuts on the road trip.   MMMMM Krispy Kreme Donuts…….
  • the ‘big’ “i will take you shopping after lunch” spree was, also, forgotten because his work was far more important.  So most of the day was spent at the National Swimming Titles. We  both had swimmers competing.  Thank God my 2 came through for wins – yeah some  joy briefly.   His 3 failed dismally and the ire was taken out on me. Kicking Dirt There goes this birthday.  Then later that night I wanted to go out to a particular restaurant … nope he chose this very busy Japanese place and of course we waited, waited and waited some more to be served by then I was SO OVER this ‘special’ birthday I sulked all the way home.  Exhausted and depressed.

So here I am Alone Again naturally…I think that is a John denver song…   I do hope this is the beginning of more wonderful birthdays.

Birthday Balloons with PresentsHappy Birthday Greeting with Cake and GiftsGet the Bubbly

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Eddie’s Message for the New Year

Thank You for reminding me to be true to myself.

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NYE – 2014. Is this a new beginning for me??

Woo Hoo!!New Years Noise

Another year comes to a close.  Well in Time speak it does.   So where has my past 365 days gone?

I have constantly wondered that as each month ended and new one began.

Here are some actual things that shaped my year.

January 2014:    I was, like now, counting down the hours ( yes 125 to go) to my 49th birthday.  I was on my own and hoping, like, hell, this would be the year for Mr right’.      

custom smiley         (this explains exactly how i felt most of the year.)

The weather was usual; for this region. HIGH 32 C + most days with the ‘odd’ break and light shower.  Ohh and the odd dust storm or two.  


There had been bushfires and storms.   It was my nieces 14th birthday, the kids went back to school and the twins went to Mt Buller for a whole year of school at Timbertop.  Yep the twins go to a private school.

I had yet to see my father but had spoken many times on the phone to him.. He was having some problems with his left shoulder and a cough that he could not quite shake.  Although he was still riding his bike and walking Molly twice a day.

Valentines Day rolled around and I found my cynicism on red hot high… URGHH!!!

Happy note it was nieces 14th birthday .  Plans were hatched for me to visit in 2 weeks and we would celebrated the 14th with my nephews 18th birthday… Anxiety hit hard….what do I get the 18 yr old??

MARCH:  This was the worse time of my, and siblings lives, our father suddenly felt unwell, his shoulder was painful and he could not sleep.  Then he had trouble breathing.

My sister took him to emergency, I was rung – a very fast road trip took place. 689 kms’ in apx. 5 hours.   The next day was my nephews 18th.  He was told that grandpa was sick.   In reality he was in ICU ONCOLOGY..    3 and 1/2 days later my father passed away in front of us.  I cannot explain the grief…

MARCH / APRIL : 2 funerals were held for my father.  Another niece turned 10 and her other grandfather had a heart attack whilst driving a car and ended in ICU.  So easter was totally forgotten. by all of us.

MAY / JUNE / JULY: We all stumbled through these months. I know I was sick with a bad bout of shingles and flu. In that time I had met someone.  Very very casual dinners, camping, and relaxing were shared.  At the time I did not even realise it was doomed from day one. Had the ‘old rose colored glasses ‘ on. Heart Glasses BUT it was so good to go to sleep with another next to me, getting a massage, and to wake up finding us holding hands or cuddling, or all the great meals we both cooked.

These months were compounded by a fight over my fathers estate and legal action.  Consequently that brother is no longer part of my life, never really was.

AUGUST / SEPTEMBER:  Legal stuff was settled.  We all started to grieve a bit less.  It would have been Dads 81st birthday.  My sister and one of the girls went to Thailand for a holiday, J (bro in law) went to Byron Bay for surfing trip- only it rained the whole time he was there.  Our mother slipped a bit more into dementia and a vegetated state.  I begun to plan my trip for dad to Queensland.  (You can read about it way down in earlier blogs on this site )

OCTOBER:  The ‘friendship was disintegrating before my eyes.  He said sex was terrific but I kinda ‘bored him’ and we ‘apparently’ suddenly did not have much in common…  where that all came from to this day I am unsure of..

So i headed on MY SOJOURN TO THE OUTBACK.… mind you he still checked in most days wanting to know what I had done/ seen/ been/ eaten..

The trip was exciting, interesting, and everything I really thought Australia looked like.. Even though I tried to “let go” , “move on”  I found I could not. Maybe because I was still ill. Then a day I reached my destination..  I finally cried .  My dad said it was ok to do so and I did.  Some of my grief subsided.   Although the depression did not go too far away.  It would have been nice to share all of this with someone.

The UPSIDE OF THIS MONTH : was I bite the bullet and began to write again, AND I found WordPress.

I discovered all of you.. So i am ‘not an idiot who loves to write’ – to quote a person; who obviously does not enjoy words.

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER:   Austin (ROMP) was my saviour. His blogs about Halloween and christmas re ignited a desire to live life; again.   I had some really great laughs at them.  Mark filled me with curiosity about Syracuse and beyond.  Colleen made me feel all warm and welcome with her love for life in Florida.  Jacke Wilson re ignited my interest in literature, libraries, philosophy. I read many others including Without Grains – yum those recipes are great, Books, Baking and Blogging from the Netherlands, Twenty and Young, The Daily (w) rite, Blogging 101, and too many others to mention.

Again I just wanted to jump on a plane and meet them.   In between I slowly mended myself.   Yep! western medicine is a scam.

AND then there was the discovery of the truly wonderful Eddie Two Hawks.  Who reintroduced me to the very wise words of Bhagvad Gai, Lao tzu and enlightenment, spirituality and ensured me it was ok to think like that.

 So it is now 2015 and:

I realised that after many years of trying to ‘fit in’ ;I now do not care for all of those naysayers.  I beginning to believe in me again.

I believe in spirits and spirituality.

I believe that the Buddhists do know a thing or two about life.

I believe I do have something to give.

I do believe I have compassion and I AM a selfless person.

I am an intelligent woman, about to turn 50. Who likes to cook, and also likes to be wined and dined, will watch a movie or 2 and knows how to relax.

I have lived life –  as PINK sings “so what..” and will continue to do so because I want to, not because “You are making me to.”

Ok  – I suck in the finances department BUT I have survived, some how, this far.

AND YES  – YES  – YES  – I do like to write.  

I do love books.

I do love to learn new things.

I do not fit into any real stereotypical mould.

I do regret not having children but hey thats is the way the cookie crumbles.

I do know I have had some form of depression all my life but for most of it have coped with it and used it. 

I am only going to exercise when I ‘feel’ like it.   No more ridiculous gym sessions etc. because I look great for a woman my age…  I ain’t got booty but my breasts are firm and just nice, my eyes are sapphire and I am ageing like a fine bottle of wine.

 It is a new beginning – I think    Question Mark

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Inspiration Point

I think I will use this as part of my motivation -to write- wall this year. it seems so appropriate.

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The Bookstore Attraction Conundrum

Once again My blog friend Austin has come to all our rescues. A short poignant read that does give hope for all of us alone.

The Return of the Modern Philosopher

bookstore-picDoyle wasn’t sure exactly why he’d picked that exact moment to look up from his book.

Even now, weeks removed from the incident, he couldn’t tell you if it was just a feeling he had, or if the Fates themselves had somehow intervened and tapped him on the shoulder.

He didn’t really care why he looked up, though.  All that mattered was that he did.

Because that was when he saw her.

“Dude,” he whispered as he tapped his friend Ryan on the elbow, and then pointed across the bookstore at the young lady who was browsing at the books on the Eastern European Religions shelf.

“Whoa,” Ryan uttered in reply, as he closed his book and sat up straight.  “And you thought hanging at the bookstore was a waste of time.  She is so your type.”

Doyle nodded his agreement.  The object of their ogling would definitely be found…

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Inspiration Point

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My Special Christmas Present

This is my christmas present.  No santa did not leave it nor did anyone else.

 I bought this when i was having my Sojourn to The Outback.

I was in Broken Hill at the time and visiting the Largest Mural in the World tourist attraction.    They had lots of silver jewellery on display and opals, and lots of other ‘touristy’ stuff. 

But I keep coming back to this necklace; I am certain my dad was guiding me to it.  

It was tucked way up the back behind some mass produced  chains from China, no not from there in “the silver city”.

Anyway I love it. So I am sharing it with all of christmas necklace

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He”s here….Its christmas in Australia

Mistletoe 1  HUGE KISSES everyone because….


the bells are ringing at the catholic church. All the dogs are barking, and not the ‘get away from my house’ bark BUT the “HEY guys pass it on Santa Claus has just been to my place’ bark.

I can hear people yelling ‘Merry Christmas” and the moon has that extra sparkle.

OMG the stars are really bright, lotsa pep in them.   I am sure i just saw him flashing across the sky.

LOVE YOU SANTA .  I Love You   LOVE ALL YOUR WORK.Clapping Hands

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2 hours to go and Counting……..

Yeah!!! there is a new moon hanging low in the sky. I can see the bright star, the town is quiet and the weather very mild 21C ……I can almost hear him HO HO Ho ing.

 I want to believe.   This is the beginning, again, of another year of bright positive possibilities. 

So Santa, Hanukkah Harry, Fred and Mrs Claus, and all those terrific elves please,please, please, grant, at least, one really bright wish to uplift my heart and soul.

Robyn Louise

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10 Signs You’ve Found Your Calling

As I am “At that crossroad, AGAIN, (sheesh) I found this enlightening and made some sense.
AS for the title I m still unsure if I have found my ‘calling”.. Maybe you have . Pass it on

Funky Wolf Cafe

adfsbaby Dr. Lissa Rankin

How can you tell if you’ve found your calling? As a doctor who was called to medicine at a young age but then wound up disillusioned by the system, questioning my calling, I’ve asked myself this question a lot. It’s been a long strange trip—first leaving medicine, then feeling called back, then leaving again only to find my role inhealing our broken health care system as a writer, speaker, revolutionary, and teacher of physicians.
Along the way, I’ve learned a few things about how to know whether you’re on the right track.
1. You’ll realize you’ve been training for your calling since the moment you were born.
Even the gritty things, the disappointments, the regrets, and the screw ups, they were all prepping you for whatyou’re now being called to do. You’ll realize that the divorce, the bankruptcy, the death of your…

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End Of Another Year or is it?

StockingYes  -it is the end of another year,

And with that comes far too much over the top ‘Christmas Cheer.’

Cannot quite get into it, as I feel Blue

Another Christmas alone; this time without you.

Why did you have to go and hurt my heart?Broken Heart

Ok  – we were kinda growing apart.

Could you not have waited?and played pretend?

wined, dined, hugged, kissed and made amends.

Shared presents, talked, loved morning to night

So blue and alone have not even put up a christmas light.

But                                then I am not really on my own,

I got my followers, of these blogs, to help set a cheery tone.

  So HIP HIP HIP HOORAY    Thank You

 Merry Christmas to ALL of YOU and have a wonderful day

Christmas Tree Presents

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Born in Truth

ohhh cute dogs..wise thought again.

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Love Actually

I have just watched this movie for the ..(HMMMM i think the 20th time.Thnking Boy. )

And I love this movie. It is about christmas, friendship and relationships.

Ok it is abit chick flick but I do know of guys who have watched it. The music is great because now I am singing “All I want for Christmas” by Mariah Carey…. My personal fav. xmas carol ( of sorts)

Really it gives us all hope and that is all of us can ask for.

Yes I do wish I had a bit of romance in my life especially at this time of the year

So What is your favorite movie similar to this??

Because I would like to think I am not the only one who wants love.


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GOSH – is it sunday again???

Capricorn Girl

Yes dear readers it is Sunday Again and once again I forgot 3 great things for the week which should have been posted on thursday.

Honestly I am very unsure what I did this past week. I know I mourned ( and got angry and bitter and wanted revenge) for  the loss of a friendship,

and had a bad bout of Black dog, and ate a litre of choc chip ice cream and waxed my legs . Ouch! ouch !!ouch.!!!!!

So I am Grateful For:

  • ROMP : otherwise known as Austin who writes the funniest blogs. This month they are all about Christmas.
  • Nick, Wendy and Mary at the training organisation because they are teaching me to be a teacher.
  • The stranger who patted me on the shoulder, outside the doctors, when I had received some slightly disturbing not so good news.
  • I know there is only supposed to…

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Posted in travel | Leave a comment 2 brave people

Our Monday morning coffee club has ended in tragedy ..

Let us all have coffee and buy LINDT CHOCOLATES to honour all those brave souls who endured this tragedy.

My condolences to all the families involved and the two who lost their lives.

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Lindt Chocolate Cafe Sydney

Today many people were just going about there “Monday Morning Coffee Club ritual ‘ ( thanks Austin @romp) when one individual did not want coffee or chocolate. Why not you ask” because Lindt Chocolates are very yummy” a chorus of you say.
ANd I totally agree. Their coffee ain’t bad either.

But this person did not want either of them or one of their famous beautifully gift wrapped boxes, to savour later.

No this person wanted BITTER BITTER BITTER type of chocolate.  the kind that only the devil brings.

In response to all of this check out twitter. ( sorry i personally do not do twitter)


It is how us Aussies, and millions of others worldwide would react to this crisis.

It goes to show that person is well and truly outnumbered.

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How Dare You ….. yes all of you who do these things.   What is wrong with you?? Why do you feel you have to make such bloodied, merciless, fearful  motions into play??

Did you think about the cost of today? or any other day; these thing happen on.

NO NO NO YOU did not because you were so wrapt up in your OWN SELFISHNESS that you did not even think.

All those police and emergency personnel, yes they are trained for this but they have been standing around, whilst putting other peoples lives at risk because they can not be utilised in their normal day to day procedures.

Or the fact that many many many businesses had to close or shut down because of your actions. Thus thousands of people had to go home and productivity ground to a halt.

What about the tourist who had come to Sydney to see all those great attractions.. They will certainly have an indifferent opinion of Australia now.

Or the public transport was reshuffled just to make sure everyone else might be safe.

Or the millions of dollars lost through all of this today, tomorrow and in the future.
NO because you are selfish and have no empathy at all.

And WHY do the tv stations give credence to all of this. Really not much happened today yet it was exhaustingly on all of our 6 main tv channels.  Why could you not ( tv station owners and bosses) just cut back to it when something did happen. It only drove the fear factor higher; for some people with your ad nauseum coverage.

Back to my opinion:

We are all just trying to make a living and respect each ones ideals and cultures YET you are trying to spoil our country….WHY? WHY? Tell us; let those innocent people go and talk to those in charge.

There is no need for all of this  confrontational C****

Am I angry Yes because I love Australia and I just wish all of this nonsense, religiously motivated or not to stop.

I am certain that I am not alone in thinking this.

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How dare you …yes you that person in Sydney ….how dare you..holding those innocent people hostage.
How dare all you extremists…include those with any sort of individualistic idealism.
HOW DARE YOU…ruin australia ‘s laid back attitude

Even if you like the islamic ideals ; they are even not wanting you as part of their culture.
The muslims i have known, even, are angry that you..are doing this.
This is Australia …better yet why are you people doing this to all of us…

Please give up now…those people were just working trying to improve their lives or having coffee.

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